Anxiety is so common in kids, when we notice signs of it (things like excessive worry, avoidance, recurrent stomach aches or headaches), we sometimes just cross our fingers and hope it will just go away with time.
Is the wait-and-watch approach reasonable? With a pimple, yes. With a simple fever or earache? Usually. With anxiety? Not so much. Here are a few reasons why expecting anxiety to pass with time may not serve our children well.
First, let’s make a distinction. Kids do have developmentally normal fears or appropriate worries that may require simple coaching, information, and reassurance. Fear of the dark, apprehension in new situations, nervousness before a big test or performance. These are typical and expected. As children develop new awareness, they do pass through stages with new worries and fears. But when these worries or fears cause significant upset, impede function, or persist, anxiety is likely present. Once typical fears or worries have transitioned into clinical anxiety, the “it will resolve on its own” approach has already proved itself ineffective.
Anxiety becomes a habitual thought pattern usually based on distorted conclusions. Like a well-worn path, anxious thought patterns can become more and more ingrained. Unless we do something to break the pattern—like learning and practicing a new thought path—unhealthy thoughts will persist and often can be self-reinforcing. For example, let’s say your daughter worries that no one at school likes her. With this belief, she’s less likely to make eye contact or initiate conversation. Her thoughts lead her to be less friendly, which decreases her chances for making new friends, which reinforces her false belief that she is unlikeable. Or perhaps your son thinks he’s not good at soccer and therefore is less willing to get caught up in the action on the field or is more likely to quit halfway through the season. Unfortunately, this does not set him up to improve. Often anxiety sets kids on a path that only confirms their greatest worries. For this reason, anxiety unaddressed tends to worsen rather than magically go away.
Untreated anxiety comes at a high cost. Anxiety gets in the way of enjoying life and daily activities. (How much energy does your child expend worrying about the past or future—energy that could have been spent savoring the present?) Anxiety can get in the way of our kids performing at their best. (How discouraging is it to repeatedly have hours of lessons and practice culminate in botched performances because of overblown nerves?) Anxiety may limit our kids in social situations and contribute to a sense of isolation. (How much better would it be to address anxiety while it’s still just anxiety, rather than anxiety plus depression?) This list represents only a few common costs. Only you and your child know the specific costs you’ve experienced.
As mentioned, untreated anxiety may lead to other issues. It is estimated that up to 60% of those with anxiety also experience depression. Since anxiety often leads to self-doubt and avoidance, anxious kids tend to isolate themselves and limit their experiences, which creates a set-up for depression. Studies have also shown that high stress states affect overall health, contributing to decreased immune function and increased risk for future chronic illnesses.
The good news is that anxiety is considered a very treatable condition. But do kids grow out of anxiety? Typically not. If you think your child has anxiety, don’t waste time wishing it away. Get help early. You will help change the trajectory of your child’s future.
Comments are closed.