• a teenager who’s too overwhelmed to start a huge project
• a child who resists going to school
• a child who misses out on opportunities because of hesitation or lack of confidence
• a teen who feels isolated but feels shy about trying to make friends

As parents, our emotions get wrapped into our kids’ and it’s hard to know what to do. Should you step in and intervene? Should you step back and let your kids handle things? You also maybe have wondered when to get professional help and what kind of help to look for.

You’re definitely not alone in all this.  So many kids struggle with anxious feelings and there are powerful tools to help! Register HERE for the upcoming “Empowering Anxious Kids Workshop” and learn how to free your child from excessive worry and overwhelm!

The post Empowering Anxious Kids Workshop appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

• Pushing too hard (especially myself)
• Modeling overscheduling, overcommitment and a “stressed out” state
• Accidentally putting pressure on my kids to excel

I make no apologies for valuing excellence (and neither should you), but I do regret the way some of my kids absorbed my nervous energy surrounding it. Over the years, I’ve been learning to unravel the tightly wound “high performance” culture that had me captivated in favor of a healthier, more balanced approach.

One day when I was nagging one of my sons to be more productive, he made a comment that stopped me in my tracks and hit me to the core. He asked, “Why can’t you value me for who I am, instead of for what I do?”

The truth was I deeply valued him for who he was. Exactly as he was. He could sit on the couch and do nothing but breathe and I’d still love him as fiercely as ever. 

But the tragedy was that he didn’t know it and at that moment he didn’t feel it.

I’ve done some repairwork and “unlearning” the white-knuckled pursuit of excellence and so have my kids. For example, one of my sons made it a goal to NOT get A’s in the college classes he cared less about. It was his way of giving himself permission to focus on his main goals even at the expense of other “hoop-jumping” type tasks. I say good for him! Good for all of us who refuse to let the pursuit of excellence steal away our humanity, our health, our relationships.

I still value excellence, but I value health and sustainability more. 

In my pediatric practice, I focus on helping high performing kids and teens overcome anxiety and build resilience. If you have kids or teens that could use some more resilience, here are some resources I think you’ll love:

• An upcoming #LifeSkillsNow virtual summer camp (June 13-17th), where I’m specifically addressing the topic of “Mastering Peak Performance Without Crashing.” Over 10,000 families have signed up to participate! Register for #LifeSkillsNow (free for a limited time) at https://bit.ly/LifeSkillsCamp.
• My online program “Resilience School,” in which kids and teens can learn over 20 evidence-based resilience tools from the comfort of home and at their own pace! Hundreds of kids have successfully gone through this program, with measured improvements in mood, calmness, sense of connection, & self-kindness. Learn more at https://drmarywilde.com/anxiety-courses
• The upcoming free workshop series “Parenting Anxious Kids,” helping parents learn how to help their kids break free from anxiety & find the best treatments. Register at https://drmarywilde.com/resilience. I hope you can join me!

The post For parents of high-performing kids and teens appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

There’s been recent talk about weighted blankets for use in several conditions including anxiety, autism, ADHD, & insomnia. Why could weighted blankets help in these contexts and what does the research show?

For some kids & teens, the transition period between wakefulness and sleep can be fraught with worries, racing thoughts, restlessness, and a sense of “letting go.” The perceived loss of control just before sleep onset can be problematic, particularly for kids who rely on rigid routines or who struggle with anxiety or focus issues at baseline.

Weighted blankets may serve as a helpful bridge during this period by providing external pressure (similar to a hug) and contributing to a sense of safety. In theory, such sensory input has the potential to calm the stress response system, decrease cortisol, and activate feel-good chemicals in the brain such as serotonin (which also happens to be a precursor to melatonin–a hormone associated with sleep).

We know that sleep is important for emotional regulation, focus, and overall health. Research has proven this again and again, reinforcing our personal experience and common sense. But what’s the data on weighted blankets and sleep? Several studies have come out recently showing benefit in specific populations. For example, one study showed a significant decrease in insomnia among hospitalized psychiatric patients using weighted blankets. Another study showed that among kids with autism, weighted blankets were preferred by families despite not demonstrating a statistical benefit in terms of sleep duration or more rapid sleep onset. A recent publication that reviewed findings from multiple studies showed a decrease in anxiety among users of weighted blankets, but not necessarily decreased insomnia. So will a weighted blanket help improve your child’s sleep? It’s probably worth a try as long as your child has no contraindications.

When deciding about whether to try a weighted blanket (or any new tool or modality), it’s useful to weigh the risks and benefits. Weighted blankets are not appropriate for everyone. For children under 2 years old or those with developmental delays, weighted blankets could pose a suffocation risk. (For infants, sleep sacs or swaddling techniques are more appropriate.) Another consideration is cost. But the benefit of a good night’s sleep is priceless and may be well worth the investment for even the possibility of improvement.

If you decide to try out a weighted blanket for your child, I’d love to hear how it goes!

Check out this video to find out the weighted blanket I recommend!

The post Weighing the benefits of weighted blankets appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

Life is the ultimate practice . . . when the practice gets hard, love yourself (and others) more.

The post Compassion Parenting Podcast appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

Admittedly, there are so many parenting resources out there that it’s easy to feel paralyzed by all the recommendations. At every side someone has “3 quick tips” for this and “7 ways to guarantee success” in that. Some people say that kids come with no manual, but perhaps there are too many manuals out there making too many promises! This is a Facebook group where we sift through all that!

In PARENTING WELL we do try to make a study of parenting, but with the acknowledgment that many of the best answers will come to us from within. We each have an inner “well” of wisdom and energy that requires renewal for us to be at our best for parenting. Psychiatrist Dan Siegel has said that the best predictor of a child’s well being is a parent’s inner self-understanding.* In PARENTING WELL, we specifically focus on the near-universal wish of dedicated parents to help their kids grow up to be good and successful adults. If this is YOUR wish, come join us! You will find an uplifting community, expert interview clips, parenting book highlights, and more.

Dr. Mary Wilde, the host of PARENTING WELL, is an integrative pediatrician and owner of Imagine Pediatrics Behavioral Health and Wellness. She is is the author of Faithful Nurturing: Mothering from the Heart to the Heart and has a new book, Compassion Parenting: Raising Kids with Heart in a Global World coming out in early 2022. She is the mom to 8 boys, which at the time of this post range in age from 4 to 20.

If you’d like to work more closely with Dr. Mary, check out her Compassion Parenting Membership here. Compassion Parenting Members are eligible for a free ticket to the annual parenting retreat held each Spring in picturesque Southern Utah, near Zion National Park.

*Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human by Dan Siegel, MD

The post Announcing “PARENTING WELL: Raising Compassionate & Productive Humans” appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

• More use of telehealth: Many clinics are expanding to include telehealth options. If this service is available, it’s best to go through local channels to keep seeing your own provider who knows you. (This will also help keep your local clinic in business, which is good for you, especially for issues that telehealth cannot address!) If your local clinic does not offer telehealth, other nationwide platforms exist. You can Google “best telehealth options” and find some to choose from. Virtual visits are adequate for non-emergency situations, especially for problems that can be diagnosed visually or by history alone. For example, virtual visits can be a good first step for simple rashes, pink eye, vomiting and/or diarrhea, or common colds. With severe illness, or when an exam, tests, or procedures are needed, an in-person evaluation will be needed.
• Dedicated times and areas for well vs. sick visits:  Many clinics are setting aside certain times of the day for sick visits and other times for well child visits. When possible, exam rooms are also being reserved for either sick or well-child care. Because flow can’t always be predicted, this may lead to some access issues and more waiting, especially if your child’s issues are less emergent. (Though it’s annoying, consider it a blessing if your child isn’t the one being rushed to the head of the line! If you think your child’s issues ARE becoming emergent, speak up!
• Added infection control measures: Since the sanitizing measures in your clinic are likely stepped-up, this may decrease the number of kids that can be seen in a given day. Try to have your own kids wash their hands or use hand sanitizer prior to entering the clinic and immediately upon leaving (especially before eating or touching their faces). Try to follow social distancing recommendations by keeping at least six feet from people outside your household, except for those providing direct medical care. Masks will likely be required (specifically for children over 2) and extra siblings may be asked to stay home when possible. Take time to learn about how mask recommendations are different for children than they are for adults. You can read more on mask-wearing for kids HERE and HERE.
• Vaccine catch-up: Because of postponed non-urgent appointments, many children have fallen behind on the normal vaccine schedule. Though families may have personal preferences and philosophies about vaccines, it’s likely that even parents who intend to vaccinate may get out of the routine of well-child visits. The American Academy of Pediatrics has launched a #CallYourPediatrician campaign to help invite families back into the routine of regular preventative care and immunizations. Because of the pandemic and vaccine delays, outbreaks of certain vaccine-preventable illnesses could theoretically occur if overall vaccination rates drop. Specific vaccine catch-up guidelines already exist to help your provider determine a catch-up plan for your child.
• Parking lot waiting rooms: As a crowd control measure, many clinics are checking in families over the phone and having them wait in their cars until it’s time to be roomed. Consider bringing water, snacks, and activities that will help you and your kids endure the waiting process. Do your best to regulate car temperatures, especially if you have a small infant, and do not leave kids unattended in your vehicle.

Overall, this is a time that will require flexibility and grace for us all. Though the added logistics may seem inconvenient, our toleration will increase as we recognize the extra efforts and accommodations being made on all sides during this complex time. Parents, be kind to yourselves. The pandemic has presented the difficult task of preserving your children’s health while preserving their childhoods. May you navigate wisely and well.

The post Returning to the Clinic Post-Pandemic appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

Is the wait-and-watch approach reasonable? With a pimple, yes. With a simple fever or earache? Usually. With anxiety? Not so much. Here are a few reasons why expecting anxiety to pass with time may not serve our children well.

First, let’s make a distinction. Kids do have developmentally normal fears or appropriate worries that may require simple coaching, information, and reassurance. Fear of the dark, apprehension in new situations, nervousness before a big test or performance. These are typical and expected. As children develop new awareness, they do pass through stages with new worries and fears. But when these worries or fears cause significant upset, impede function, or persist, anxiety is likely present. Once typical fears or worries have transitioned into clinical anxiety, the “it will resolve on its own” approach has already proved itself ineffective.

Anxiety becomes a habitual thought pattern usually based on distorted conclusions. Like a well-worn path, anxious thought patterns can become more and more ingrained. Unless we do something to break the pattern—like learning and practicing a new thought path—unhealthy thoughts will persist and often can be self-reinforcing. For example, let’s say your daughter worries that no one at school likes her. With this belief, she’s less likely to make eye contact or initiate conversation. Her thoughts lead her to be less friendly, which decreases her chances for making new friends, which reinforces her false belief that she is unlikeable. Or perhaps your son thinks he’s not good at soccer and therefore is less willing to get caught up in the action on the field or is more likely to quit halfway through the season. Unfortunately, this does not set him up to improve. Often anxiety sets kids on a path that only confirms their greatest worries. For this reason, anxiety unaddressed tends to worsen rather than magically go away. 

Untreated anxiety comes at a high cost. Anxiety gets in the way of enjoying life and daily activities. (How much energy does your child expend worrying about the past or future—energy that could have been spent savoring the present?) Anxiety can get in the way of our kids performing at their best. (How discouraging is it to repeatedly have hours of lessons and practice culminate in botched performances because of overblown nerves?) Anxiety may limit our kids in social situations and contribute to a sense of isolation. (How much better would it be to address anxiety while it’s still just anxiety, rather than anxiety plus depression?) This list represents only a few common costs. Only you and your child know the specific costs you’ve experienced.

As mentioned, untreated anxiety may lead to other issues. It is estimated that up to 60% of those with anxiety also experience depression. Since anxiety often leads to self-doubt and avoidance, anxious kids tend to isolate themselves and limit their experiences, which creates a set-up for depression. Studies have also shown that high stress states affect overall health, contributing to decreased immune function and increased risk for future chronic illnesses. 

The good news is that anxiety is considered a very treatable condition. But do kids grow out of anxiety? Typically not. If you think your child has anxiety, don’t waste time wishing it away. Get help early. You will help change the trajectory of your child’s future.

The post Do Kids Grow Out of Anxiety? appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

One excerpt from the interview:

“We create our own experiences. With all the chaos around us, we can create peace in the eye of the storm.” -Dr. Mary Wilde

The post How to Joyfully Ride the Waves of Parenthood Without Drowning in Them appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

• infant nighttime waking–often related to “sleep associations” parents inadvertently create
• night terrors–a sleep disturbance during non-REM sleep; child “wakes” (but not fully) upset & inconsolable, with no recollection the next day; common for preschoolers
• bedwetting–affects up to 10% of school-aged kids; many useful strategies exist
• delayed sleep phase syndrome–difficulty falling asleep (even when tired) until after 12am; common in teenage years

Listen to the episode at https://sleepsense.net/shows/episode-118-childhood-sleep-challenges/!

The post Dr. Mary Appears on the Sleep Sense Podcast! appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.

The “Overcoming Childhood Anxiety” course bundle includes an 8-week video course for kids, a 6-week video course for parents, the associated workbooks, a private online community, live Q & A sessions, and more. For more info, see https://drmarywilde.com/anxiety-courses

If anxiety is holding your child back from participating, enjoying themselves, or performing their best, why wait? Visit https://drmarywilde.com/anxiety-courses to learn more.

The post Announcing ENROLLMENT for the “Overcoming Childhood Anxiety” online program! appeared first on Imagine Pediatrics.